REDIRECTED to wontdieone.blogspot.com

2011-02-02T04:54:00.001-08:00

that sinking feeling..

no reason to feel this way..

prolly its just the night shift and no sleep throughout the day..

nonetheless.. that sinking feeling..

2010-10-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

i can't fucking wait for:

1. my brother to get a job in KL and get out of the fucking house.
2. i get married and i get out of the fucking house.

actually.. i don't mind any combination as long as he's not near my vicinity..

2010-10-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

kat sayeth imma buddha therefore i roxxxors

2010-08-16T08:10:00.001-07:00

Some days, I'm truly convinced that you're either really selfish or truly ignorant..

You don't like to wait, yet you make me wait..

You want me to layan you and expect me to answer all your yms but yet you leave me hanging..

You want to be heard but you don't listen..

So yea.. You're either really selfish or truly ignorant..

Either way, I love you..

It just.. makes.. me.. more.. tired..

Good nite.

2010-03-04T01:18:00.000-08:00

too many things run in my head recently.. some of them don't really have anything to do with each other.. my point is..

i've felt my heart sink.. and no it's not because of my dad..

i feel.. depression..

i feel like dying..

this sucks

2009-12-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

the silence closes its curtains and a little voice cries out..

these are the days when i feel i should draw myself away from people..

2009-10-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

today is one of those days.. that i really really.. reaaally wish i had more cash.. so much so im willing to do anything for it.. it may be the root of all evil but it is also the blockade to my satisfaction..

2009-09-23T17:17:00.000-07:00

i know what im missing..
though it does not affect me badly,
it's still so........ sigh~
i know what im missing..

2009-08-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

i told my mom a part of me is depressed.

she asked why.
i couldn't answer.

she persisted and i said,
im depressed about what could've been. but it doesn't make sense because what is and what was can never be what could've been and that what could've been can never be known from what is and what was but merely speculated. so i guess being depressed about what could've been is but a composite of what is and what was.

i told my mom good nite.

went into my room.

the phone rang. talked. hang up.

i nearly cried.

im pathetic.

2009-08-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

as much as i hate saying it..

in the end~

we still chose the life we're living..

sigh~

2009-08-16T18:20:00.001-07:00

always remember andrew.. we chose the life we're living~

2009-08-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

cheers dude

another year closer to true peace

2009-08-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

i realized... whenever i feel down and depress...

i no longer have anyone i could talk to about it... it used to be you... but the situation has changed... your position has changed and therefore i can't tell you those things anymore...

i've lost my sister and my integrity... and on days like this... i feel that what i've gained is not what i truly want...

but yet... the clock cannot be reset... life cannot be turned back...

for things i have no control of, i shall endure... but for how long?

and if you ever read this... please don't ask me about it...

don't ask why...

just don't ask at all and let me put up my smile...

2009-07-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since i last put anything here. but i guess i've found the need to do so once more..

there's this nagging, depressing feeling that my life is so full of regrets. every stage, every chapter, every year it is filled with much sorrow and regret. life didn't really throw shit at me, i jumped into a pool of it myself.
- i regretted being anti-social in highschool form 1-3
- i regretted not practicing my guitar more and upping my skill level
- i regretted doing the many things i did throughout form 4-5
- i regretted not taking care of my body that is now broken and hurting everyday
- i regretted buying the bike
- i regretted buying that fender squire which price/worth ratio sucked more than i can ever imagine
- i regretted not increasing my electric guitar skills
- i regretted not reaching out to shu lin during ns
- i regretted not having enough patience with sue ping
- i regretted not appealing for alpha when i got into diploma and now am not able to graduate with friends whom i care more then they know
- i regretted totalling the car
- i regretted giving up my integrity

i regretted many.. many more things~ dammit

2009-05-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

been bounded by the shackles of consequences for a long time

for too long have i yearn the taste of freedom

to start anew

alas

bounded by the shackles of consequences

2009-01-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

when feelings are only feelings
.
...
.
hang a smile and take a bow
.
...
.
for the next step is the realizing
.
...
.
that nothing changes no matter how
.
...
.
so i tip my hat and say good night
.
...
.
to another day with lesser might
.
...
.
knowing full well that i really have nothing to say
.
...
.
for all the conflicts within me, here's to another day

2009-01-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

i
just
don't
care
anymore
.
it
will
never
change
.
and
there
is
no
hope
.
only
indifference

2009-01-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

sorry for not being able to fake a smile that well anymore~

i wish there was something to look forward to this year..

but there isn't any..

welcome 2009

2008-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

doubts?

sure.. i can live with that~

atonement?

sure.. i can live with that~

indifferent?

sure.. i can live with that~

2008-11-28T10:32:00.000-08:00

some people just don't know what they want nor do they know what they're asking for

gth

2008-10-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

2008-10-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

i'll never be free from this thorn in my flesh

i'll never be fulfilled and contempt

for the actions of my past births forth my future

consequences that i'll never be free off

therefore.. i'll just keep making my lemonades..

2008-09-23T01:44:00.000-07:00

smile for the world

2008-09-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

i hate wasting my time

2008-09-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

it's okay andrew... it'll end... one day... and you'll have eternal rest..

2008-09-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

i miss the konn manns~

i have now, no friends in melaka~

i am alone~

2008-07-26T11:00:00.001-07:00

its not so bad after all.. :)

2008-05-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

there's just so many material things i WANT..

which costs MONEY..

which is something that i DON'T have..

and that SUCKS~

2008-05-09T11:33:00.001-07:00

life is good.... for now...

wonder how long it'll last~

2008-04-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

i dont like doing things i dont like doing..

....

and im being waaaaaay too nice so much so my patience is wearing thin..

2008-04-11T09:35:00.001-07:00

im at peace...

and ready to leave...

2008-04-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

Why can't things just be simple?

Why must there always be that one element that screws things up?

Why does it always end with me hurting people and getting hurt in return?

For once in my life, why can't I just get the things I want?

Screw money, guitars and whatnots~

Just once, something that my heart really desires.

2008-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

im.not.happy.i.need.joy.need.to.feel.that.joy.once.again
please.let.me.feel.it.im.so.tired.and.im.so.sick.of
wearing.this.stupid.mask.so.much.so.my.old.self.feels
like.bursting.out.to.regain.its.freedom.
my.freedom

2008-02-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

i miss the konn manns whom i've abandoned..

i miss the life i had before making such decisions..

if there's a balance that i can make, i would..

but i know, as long as i hang out with them..

i'll be the biggest hypocrite..

..

i long for my old life even though its wrong~

2008-02-05T12:07:00.001-08:00

i hate feeling like im missing out in life

i hate tasting the pleasures and am forced to restraint myself

i hate how im not contented with what i have

i hate it when people dont listen to me

i hate waking up knowing how the day will end

i just wanna get by..

2008-01-16T23:00:00.000-08:00

i wish you knew the pain i know~

but if you really know me,

you'll understand that pain is not something i'll easily show

not to you, not to people~

i wish you knew~

2007-12-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

it's another sad christmas.. but no one knows it but me~ :)

2007-12-24T05:24:00.001-08:00

if only you knew..

2007-12-03T09:55:00.000-08:00

lots of bad things been happening around recently

lots of heartaches, wishes, and dreams came crashing down

lots of wants, needs, desires left empty and unfulfilled

lots of loses, sickness, and diseases

lots of warfare going on..

praying for ya all..

2007-11-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

my 2nd ex has been calling..

and i have no idea why..

i've been avoiding picking up the phone
or even replying her sms's..

same too with my old high school frens..

i guess i just don't want my past to resurface
and meet with the people i know and love now..

2007-11-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

love for the many and hatred for one and one only

i believe in people too easily
yet i have no reason to doubt you
but if my fears turn out to be true
then i shall return to being nobody to you

shit

2007-11-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

the mask of strength i wear
hides the sadness of my failure

i hate this race

2007-10-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

im missing * too much..

looking back.. i wonder how far ive come..

i dont regret my choices but..

sometimes i wish i can hold your hands..

and say everything i had to say~

2007-09-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

a jack of all trades but master of none.. that sucks..

2007-08-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

you're welcome.. :)

i just hope i can keep every promises i've made, not only to you, but to God and everyone else who means a lot to me~

2007-08-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

behind the smile.. says..

what hurts the most
i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
that don’t bother me
i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
i’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
even though going on with you gone still upsets me
there are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
but that’s not what gets me

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was tryin’ to do

it’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
but I’m doin’ It
it’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
still harder
getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
but I know if I could do it over
i would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
that I left unspoken

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was tryin’ to do

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was tryin’ to do

not seeing that loving you
that’s what I was trying to do

2007-07-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes..

Like now..

I feel like my time is coming to an end..

2007-07-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

wontdieone.blogpost

Trivia 5

try to search 'lebih dari pemenang' in google. first on the list. heh~

for some seriously weird reason, searching 'Ice cream gallery, Aaron Liu' in yahoo.com would list wontdieone.blogpost in the first.

scary.

2007-07-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if there's anyone out there who is as tired as i am..

there is..

how foolish am i to try to help others when i myself am doomed..

no..

i will persevere..

i will push on..

i will wear this armor and press on..

no matter the circumstances..

no matter the pain..

i will do my best and i will try to help you too~

2007-07-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

to give up the good so that God can give you the best

that's a quote from some pastor from focus on the family

i wonder how long can i keep up this fiasco smile of mine
i wonder if anyone out there can hear my silent cries
i wonder why i keep feeling this drag at night
i guess it doesn't matter as long as i keep up the fight

dear God.. im an empty broken vessel.. dwell in me and give me strength

2007-01-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

wontdieone.blogspot

Trivia 4

as of January 11, 2007, wontdieone.blogspot.com has 704 posts.
what? doesn't sound a lot? okay~
wontdieone.blogspot.com has SEVEN HUNDRED AND FOUR posts.

there. much better.

2006-12-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

wontdieone.blogspot

Trivia 3

when i type my url fast without paying attention, i'll sometimes get

wpmtfieome.blogspof.con
or
wintdironee.vlogspog.com

2006-11-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

wontdieone.blogspot

Trivia 2

Another few visitors stumbled upon my blog after searching yahoo.com for 'famous dr. zoidberg quotes'. What's up with that anyway?

2006-11-19T11:10:00.000-08:00

wontdieone.blogspot
trivia 1:

yanoe, there are people who stumbled upon my blog after searching google for "hot babes". kan ya balaive ait?

yea, neither could i.

2006-10-06T03:38:00.000-07:00

going to practice!! go get planetshaker's new album Pick It Up!! Go get it now!! Quick! It's cool, it's great, it's rockin!!

lalala~

Hi SL, sup gal? How's life studying in that island?
Good?
No?
Hazy huh? I get what you mean. It's quite hazy here too..

kekeke~

hmmm~ i wish the price of that xfx 7900gs will drop a little lower. =(

2006-08-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

if only the world around me knew how tired and sad i actually am during these days.

i guess they will never know..

2006-08-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

Yea, yea, so I've redirected my old url, gobblogblog.blogspot.com to the new one but that doesn't mean I can't post anything here. Not that anyone can read it in time. Hahahahahah~

2006-06-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS SLOW!